Bugs Bunny's Easter Morning
by Erin T. Aardvark
Summary: Bugs Bunny fills in for the Easter Bunny yet again.


_AUTHOR'S NOTE: For lack of better title. The Easter Bunny that appears in this is *NOT* based on the Easter Bunny that appears in the Bugs Bunny short, "Easter Yeggs." He is based on a rabbit I have in my (rather large) plushie collection. Pastelle the Bunny and Meadow the Lamb are based on stuffed animals in my sister's collection. Bugs Bunny and Dead End Kid belong to Warner Brothers._

* * *

Twas the night before Easter, and all through the night, a white rabbit wearing a pink apron and matching bow on her head, was painting the Easter Eggs, making them just right. Her name was Pastelle and she was the Easter Bunny's assistant. Just then, a small lamb, wearing a mint green bow around her neck, came running into the room

"Pastelle! Pastelle!" she shouted. "Something terrible has happened!"

"What's wrong, Meadow?" Pastelle asked.

"It's E.B.!" Meadow shouted. "He can't make the Easter morning rounds!"

"WHAT?!" Pastelle shouted. She dropped the egg she was painting (it was hard boiled, so all that happened was the shell cracked a little when it hit the floor), and ran into E.B.'s quarters. Sitting on a nest was a huge white rabbit with multi-pastel-colored polka dots and a purple bow tie. This was the Easter Bunny, or E.B. However, he was a bit sickly looking.

"Something wrong, E.B.?" Pastelle asked.

"WAH-CHOOOOOO!" E.B. sneezed. The force of it blew Pastelle and Meadow into the opposite wall of the room.

"Baa-aaa-aaa-less you," Meadow bleated, dazedly.

"Thack you," E.B. sniffled. Then he took a tissue and blew his nose, which sounded like an out of tune trumpet.

"Ugh," he groaned. "I hab a terrible code id by nose!"

"Yeah, I'll say you do," Pastelle said.

"Dere is do way I cad deliver de Easter eggs," E.B. said. "WAH-CHOOOOO!"

"Gesundheit," Pastelle said, as E.B.'s sneeze blew her bow off.

"But someone has to deliver the eggs!" Meadow shouted. "All the little children will be so disappointed!"

"I think I have an idea!" Pastelle shouted. "I know where we can get a substitute! I'll be right back!"

E.B. and Meadow looked at each other, wondering what Pastelle was up to. Early the next morning, Pastelle approached a rabbit hole. This hole belonged to none other than Bugs Bunny. Pastelle was a friend of his.

"Oh Bugsy!" she called in a sing song voice. "Bugsy baby! Are you home?"

Bugs slowly got up out of his hole, and yawned.

"Eh," he added as he took out a carrot and chomped it. "What's up, Past?"

"Well, Hoppy Easter for starters."

"And a Hoppy Eastah to you, but I get the icky feeling dat's not why you've come to see me. You've got a basket of eggs behind yer back, dontcha?"

"How'd you guess?" Pastelle was a bit shocked as she brought forth said basket. "Anyway, E.B.'s got a cold, and we need you to play Easter Bunny."

"I kinda saw dis coming a mile away. I don't care if it's in the spirit of giving, the answer's no."

"Oh come on Bugs," Pastelle said before the ol' gray hare could retreat into his hole.

"Past, do you know what happened the last time I tried to play the Eastah Bunny? Foist I was nearly clobbered to death by some pint sized brat, and later my old foe Elmer tried to make me into Eastah Bunny stew. Dere is no way I'm gonna go tru dat again."

"Please Bugs," Pastelle pouted some and batted her long eyelashes. "At least do it for me, huh? Will you? Just until all the eggs in this basket are gone." Bugs took one look at Pastelle's puppy dog pout, with batting eyelashes look, and he was mush.

"Ohhh!" he groaned as he smacked his forehead. "All right, I'll do it! You know I can't resist dat look of yours."

"I know," Pastelle giggled as she handed over the basket. "That's why I do it. Thanks, Bugs." She then left as Bugs sighed.

"I just know I'm gonna regret dis in the morning." He then began skipping away singing . . . "Here comes the Eastah Rabbit, hurray!"

Bugs approached his first house on the block. Instead of knocking on doors, he decided to hide the Easter eggs any which way for the kids to find. One behind a bush, one in a wall mail box, even one on a window sill.

"Dis ain't as bad as I thought," he said as he skipped along. "Maybe times have changed for the bettah." As he approached the next house, he was about to slide the egg through a doggy door when suddenly it opened.

"I wanna Easta egg! I wanna Easta egg!" the painfully familiar voice of the Dead End Kid shouted.

"Oh no!" Bugs moaned when he saw menacing mop topped red head. "Not you again!" He quickly slammed the door shut in the brat's face and was about to hightail it when Dead End zoomed out, and leaped on Bugs' head.

"I wanna Easta egg! I wanna Easta egg! I wanna Easta egg!" he shouted while banging the poor rabbit's head with a small mallet.

"Owitch! Owitch!" Bugs shouted as he quickly grabbed the brat by the arms and yanked him off.

"So help me, bustah . . . when I get tru wit you, you're gonna . . ."

"OWWW!" Dead End Kid screamed. "He bwoke me wittle arm! The mean ol' rabbit broke me wittle arm!"

"Sssh," Bugs hissed as he clamped his hand over Dead End's mouth. "You want you should get me killed?" Unfortunately he forgot Dead End had a sharp set of teeth, and this kid wasn't afraid to bite either. "YOW!"

"I wanna Easta egg! I wanna Easter egg! I wanna Easter egg!" Before Bugs could say anything he found himself surrounded by a bunch of big guys holding big guns.

"Uh oh, dis is where I came in!" Before he could find himself resembling Swiss Cheese, Bugs quickly high tailed it with his basket. A barrage of bullets followed, but fortunately missed him.

"If I evah see dat punk again, it'll be too soon," he added after wiping sweat from his brow.

Bugs continued skipping about, hiding eggs on various lawns. He then saw a group of children laughing and looking on a large lawn at the end of the street.

"Hey look!" a boy called. "It's the Easter Bunny!" Then a bunch of kids began to mob him.

"Take it easy kids!" Bugs started as he backed away slowly. "I got some eggs for ya, but I gotta hide 'em first. Eh, don't wanna make dis too easy now do we?"

"No, I guess not," another boy said.

"Now close yer little eyes and count to a hundred and I'll get to work er, hiding." The kids then walked over to a tree shut their eyes and began counting. Bugs chuckled to himself.

"Dat went better than I thought," he added, before he got startled by a sudden blast. Soon the kids shrieked and fled down the street.

"Darn kids!" an old bearded man wielding a shot gun shouted. "Stay off my lawn!"

"Eh," Bugs started as he calmly chewed a carrot, "what's up doc?"

"And you! Off my lawn as well, ya stupid rabbit! It's bad enough noisy pesky kids ruin my day with their cruddy little feet messin' up my petunias, but you gotta encourage 'em by hidin' technicolored rotting smelly hen fruit as well! Why I oughta . . ." He then fired another shot which made Bugs duck. The gun shot hit a tree causing a hole to go through it.

"Well," the rabbit nervously stated, "eh, looks like I over stayed my welcome, so bye-yee!" And with he buried himself into a hole and took off.

"And stay out, ya cotton pickin' bunny!" the man shouted into the hole. "Ifin I sees you again, I'm a gonna make rabbit stew outta ya!"

After tunneling for what seemed like forever, Bugs soon popped up on a very familiar looking lawn.

"Eh, I hope dat crazy guy with the gun still isn't lurking about."

"Halt!" a stern voice shouted.

"Uh oh, now what?" He then turned and saw two men in black suits with sunglasses and earphones glaring at him. "Don't tell me I'm . . ."

"Yeah, buster," one of the men started, "you're trespassing on government property. No one is allowed on the White House lawn without proper authorization."

"Would you accept the fact that I'm the Easter Bunny, and I've come to deliver Mr. President his eggs?" Bugs meekly asked.

"No," the stone faced Security agent replied. "However given how it's Easter we'll be nice guys for once and give you a chance to clear out quickly before we call in the National Guard."

"National Guard!? On lil' ol' me? Say what kinda crazy rule is dat? I'm one hundred percent, genuine, red blooded, patriotic, American Rabbit!"

Bugs then found himself surrounded by a bunch of guns. Deciding for once not to fool with White House security, or a SWAT Team coming out of nowhere for that matter, he decided to give up trying to explain himself.

"All right, doc, you win," he said. "I'm a goin'!"

With that Bugs went back down in his hole, and burrowed his way out of the White House. He came back up again in the suburbs.

"Geez, tings have gotten stricter around here dese days, haven't dey?" he said to no one in particular.

Bugs's next stop was Cabin John Regional Park in Bethesda, Maryland. Once he arrived, a bunch of kids saw him, and ran over to mob him.

"Can you give me a egg?" one asked.

"Can I get your autograph?" asked another.

"My egg!" Another demanded. "Where's my egg!"

"Take it easy kids!" Bugs said as he moved backward to avoid being torn to pieces. "I got an egg for each of you. One for you." He then handed a girl a pink egg, and she ran off cheering. "One for you," a boy got a blue egg, likewise he too ran off giddily. "One for you," he handed a very little kid a yellow egg, and he sort of waddled off. "One for you," he said handing another boy a green egg. The kid looked at it as if a worm came out.

"Aw, I wanted a chocolate bunny," he whined.

"I only got eggs kid, get out before I sic a chicken on ya or somethin!" he yelled. The kid then ran off screaming. Bugs continued handing out eggs. "And one for you," he added as he handed another girl a purple egg.

"Don't you have a blue one to match my eyes?" she asked.

"Urgh, I ain't Santa Claus kiddo. Either you accept what ya get, or I take that egg and smash it over your head!"

"Mommy!" the girl cried, and she ran off in tears. Suddenly, a train came by. Pastelle was riding on it.

"Bugs," she said, "I think you're being a bit . . . how should I put this . . . Grinchy."

"I told ya before, Past," Bugs said. "I hate doin' dis. Dese kids are ungrateful brats, and did I mention I've been surrounded by guns and even shot at all day today?"

"I wanna Easta egg!" Dead End Kid shouted as he ran over to Bugs. "I wanna Easta egg! I wanna Easta egg!"

"Go away kid!" Bugs shouted as he stuck a yellow egg in the kid's mouth to shut him up. "You I definitely do not want to see again!" He then turned the kid around, and give him a much needed boot to the rear.

"Bugs, it's Easter," Pastelle pleaded. "If you continue this mean bunny act, you'll give the Easter Bunny a bad name!"

"I'd like to give the Easter Bunny a bad name all right," Bugs muttered under his breath. "But . . ." he then sighed. "All right Past, I only have a couple of eggs left anyway." He then grumpily handed another egg to a nearby kid.

"One more thing," Pastelle said. "Smile. You know," she used her paws to make an invisible smiley face sign. "Smile!" Bugs sighed in exasperation, then gave a forced smile to the remaining kids. Unfortunately for them, it looked like a "Slasher" smile, and they fled for the hills, screaming.

"Happy now!?" he asked Pastelle in frustration.

"Um . . . not really," she replied. "That wasn't what I had in mind."

"You know what, Past," Bugs said as he turned the basket upside down, and let the eggs fall. "I've had it up to here with dis Easter business!" He then stomped on the basket, smooshing the eggs underneath. At this point, he didn't even care about the messy whites and yolk under his furry feet. "I don't know how he does it, but I hop, skip, and jump, and what thanks do I get!? If I see another kid begging for an egg, I'm gonna take it and ram it . . ." before he could finish he felt a tug on his arm. He whirled around and glared at the really little kid who he handed a yellow egg to. "Yeah, whaddya want kid!?"

"Tank yoo Mista Easta Bunny," the kid, who couldn't have been older than two or three, said kindly, before he leaned up, gave Bugs a tiny kiss on his nose. Bugs couldn't help but feel his heart turn to mush at the sentiment.

"Eh," he whimpered as Pastelle smiled and handed him a blue yellow, and green striped egg. "Here kid," he said kindly, "take one on da house." The kid beamed, and ran off.

"Little kids," Pastelle said as she noticed Bugs wipe a tear from his eye. "They kinda get you right here," she added as she pounded her hand over her heart.

"Yeah," he replied, "but uh let's keep dat moment to ourselves, shall we?"

Pastelle nodded. Once Bugs was finished with the rounds, the two rabbits went back to Easter Bunny Headquarters to check in on E.B.

"WAAAAAAHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOO!" E.B. sneezed once they walked into his room.

"Eh, gesundheit, Doc," Bugs said.

"I want to thack you for delivering de eggs, Bugs," E.B. said, sniffling.

"Eh, it's okay, Doc," Bugs said. "Aftah all, we rabbits have to stick together."

"I doh," E.B. said. "You're a real lifesaver. I'b glad Pastelle got hold of you."

"No problemo, E.B.," Pastelle replied.

"Hoppy Easter!" E.B. called, as Bugs, Pastelle, and Meadow left the room.

"Hoppy Easter," Meadow laughed.

"Say, uh, Bugs," Pastelle started, "what happened to that kid you booted?"

As if on cue the Dead End Kid came running by holding an enormous Easter egg in his hands.

"I gotta Easta egg! I gotta Easter Egg!" The egg soon shook and cracked as a huge marshmallow chick came out of it.

"PEEP!" he shouted in a deep booming voice, causing the kid to promptly drop the egg, and run screaming. The Peep gave a big toothy grin as a response.

The End


End file.
